Aubin Palmer (00:01)
Hello Power Women and welcome to another interview episode of Power Women. I am so excited to have the amazing Stacey Proctor here with us today. Hello Stacey! Yes, and if you don't know who she is, you should, but she is from Utah and vineyard like me and I met her this last year in the Mrs. Utah America Pageant because she had won the year previously Mrs. Utah
Stacie Proctor (00:10)
Hello, thanks for having me.
Aubin Palmer (00:26)
American and she was from Vineyard where I live so we had this instant connection of being from the same place and she was definitely one of my mentors that helped me so much with that big new thing in my life. just adore and love Stacey and the more I got to know her the more I was like my gosh I have to have her on this podcast because she has so many things she's done so many inspiring stories and
We are just gonna have an amazing conversation today talking about all of it. But first, like, introduce yourself a bit, Stacey. Like, I give that little snippet of who you are, but you have so much more. So how would you say?
Stacie Proctor (00:55)
Yeah.
Thank you so much for having me. And I agree. I'm so grateful that our paths crossed. We were brought together. I truly believe when we're standing together as powerful women, we can do even more incredible things than we could ever do on our own. So yeah, a little bit about me. am...
the founder and CEO of a marketing agency. We work with some of America's largest digital publishing companies and everything from emerging brands to really well-known brands to put together really beautiful, innovative sweepstakes campaigns like an Enchanting Castles Tour in Ireland or Dream Nursery Makeover. So it's really fun, exciting, aspirational, and get to work with all kinds of incredible brands and individuals. I'm also a mother of one, have a little three-year-old Will.
and I'm married to Andy Proctor. We're coming up on our 12 year anniversary and we have a history of travel. And every year we take an anniversary picture within a, you know, of the year before of us holding the year before. So it's kind of in session. Yeah, we have, we have some amazing photos. Like one is in front of an active volcano in Iceland. One is in front of the first home we bought, one's with our, you know, our first little baby. So we capture these kinds of iconic moments and
Aubin Palmer (01:58)
love that.
my God.
Stacie Proctor (02:13)
when we're 50 years old or we've been married for 50 years I want to have an art gallery with like all the photos so you can just kind of see the evolution of life so
Aubin Palmer (02:21)
That's so
cool. I haven't been doing that so I'm too late but I wish I had that so yeah.
Stacie Proctor (02:23)
Yeah, you can start anytime.
But yeah, Andy's my adventure buddy and my incredible, incredible partner in life. And I was Mrs. Utah American 2024. I was really honored to be chosen as the second runner up at Mrs. American. And even more honored that the MC said, sounds like we have half the state of Utah here. We really just had so much support, so much community there, and that meant.
Aubin Palmer (02:47)
yeah.
Stacie Proctor (02:51)
more to me than anything else.
Aubin Palmer (02:53)
Yeah,
I think the sisterhood and community that we build in this pageant in Utah was so inspirational to me of what, like I've always believed in power women in communities, but feeling that even tighter connection in a group of women was like, okay, this needs to exist in more places, not just in a pageant, but the fact that Utah is really good at that just shows that that's the kind of we have here in Utah. So I loved.
experiencing that and want to find ways to share that in more places and just keep that energy of women standing together and building in power together. I love that so much. And that's why we got to know each other because it wasn't just like you had won the year before, but they have the year before winners really mentor the new candidates, their name, contestants. and so that's how I met Stacey and she was just so always available. Text, call anytime would answer questions. I have to share like
the day before the pageant, one of my dresses didn't fit. And she's like, I'm not home, but I put the dresses in my bathroom for you. Here's the garage code, go in, try them on. And I was like, this is amazing. Like that kind of love and care for another sister in such urgent distress, but like I felt so safe. And other women did it too. Other contestants in the same level I was at were helping me too. And I just think there was no competition and that.
I thought it would be a more competitive environment and so that I loved that experience. So that just tells you a little bit of how Stacey is and her character that experience that I had with her. But looking at, know, Stacey has this part of her life in the pageant, but she has so much more. And, you know, she was very humble talking about her business, but it is very successful and she is doing a great job and she has had quite the journey in building so many successes. She was in Utah's 40 under 40.
last year and she knows how to run a business and be successful but do it in a way that it doesn't take over her life because she was able to run in Mrs. Utah America. She's able to take care of her son and have fun time with her husband. Like that's what I hear most women afraid of in running a business and Stacey does a great example of living that. But Stacey as we've talked you shared with me like it didn't always.
It wasn't always like that for you. So tell us kind of how this journey started for you.
Stacie Proctor (05:16)
Yeah, yeah. Well, first I want to say sometimes our hardest challenges can truly be our greatest teachers. And I've had some health issues in my life that I'll talk a little bit about and share a little bit about. having those kind of constraints or factors in my life has helped me become even more an expert at my own health and even more mindful and have more tools in my tool belt. And so there really is
Aubin Palmer (05:27)
Okay.
Stacie Proctor (05:46)
is this power in knowing that despite whatever circumstances you're in, you have this gift and this innate alchemy and power to take any circumstances and ultimately make it for your good and become even stronger. And sometimes it is those things that are the most challenging that actually make you the strongest. So.
Aubin Palmer (06:07)
Yes,
I completely agree. And that is so powerful to hear you say because people let that break them sometimes, but it can often be exactly what you need to really become and do the big things you're wanting to. So tell us more about that looks like for you.
Stacie Proctor (06:22)
Sure, so I'll go way back. I'll start way back to, you know, kind of growing up. I, looking back, I love little Stacey. Like she was super creative, super friendly. I did really well in school. I always had a lot of friends. In fifth grade, I was the president of my elementary school and we wanted a new playground, but the faculty said it was too expensive. And so I said, well, what if we start a business? What if we start a school store?
Aubin Palmer (06:25)
Yeah.
my god!
Stacie Proctor (06:52)
Yeah, and
so we did. Thankfully, they were very supportive and some parents got involved and they helped us buy some really cool erasers and pencils and all these fun things. And we started this school store and within a few short months, we'd raised enough for a brand new playground. And I had the chance later, little side note, a chance to go with Andy back to that playground and it was still standing. And I know, right?
Aubin Palmer (07:08)
Wow.
my gosh. This is
your innate entrepreneur and leadership. Like that is beautiful. I love that.
Stacie Proctor (07:24)
Thanks. think that comes from just if I want something, I figure out how to do it. And I don't try to do it alone, right? Like part of that is engaging and collaborating with others. but yeah, this is, you know, this is growing up. I'm really proud of the person that I was. And, and, know, even with that, though, there were a lot of really challenging things, just kind of in home and life environment. So my parents were divorced and I changed school 16 times by 10th grade.
So lot of instability, a lot of moving, and sometimes even living in places in between those changes and...
And for me, it was normal. know, I was just growing up in this really like this environment that required a high level of adaptability. And I think the universe has blessed me. I was really fortunate in that everywhere I went, there was always a community that took me in, whether it was teachers and families at the schools or within our church organization. There were always people who just kind of kept an eye out for us and took care. So I feel like that was really crucial for me making it through that.
But still, there were times when one of the apartments we lived in, it was a really small one bedroom. My mom and sister were in one room. We had no living room furniture. And my bedroom was a little hot water heater closet, just big enough for a mattress. And so I've been in really dire circumstances. I've been hungry. I've had times where I didn't have some basic needs met.
And so, you know, kind of had two worlds going on. One was, you know, at home, a lot of these challenges going on. But then, you know, at school, I was thriving. I was always involved in different programs and sports and things. was, high school voted like most likely to star on Broadway, most likely to become famous. I was a sterling scholar for speech and drama. But I was also struggling with abandonment issues and depression.
Aubin Palmer (09:08)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (09:21)
And so when I moved out of the house officially when I was 17 years old, and it was hard to figure out how to adult and how to do life, right? I had no real understanding of financial things, you know? And I remember mowing lawns to earn enough money to pay for certain things and went without in a lot of cases and...
And so it took me some years to kind of just stabilize as an adult and went through some other kind of harder things early on, but still I was just, I was very resilient and always just kind of learning. And that love of learning has always helped me to kind of up level. And when I met Andy, I felt like life was all of sudden going to be better. And it was kind of the fulfillment of all my dreams. You know, it's the love story and the...
what you see in the movies and they happily ever after and things get great. And at first it really was. We had started off with really traveling adventure kind of as our core elements of ourself. We went on this big long honeymoon trip. We went over to Europe and the Middle East and we came home and we were really fortunate to start a small business that
Aubin Palmer (10:37)
wow.
Stacie Proctor (10:41)
exploded. had $10,000 in sales the first day, $50,000 the first month, and it just kind of went from there. And it was like, okay, all these things that I've been learning and all these things that I've been doing and now with this incredible partner, life is just going to be amazing. we had, like I have to tell you, on this honeymoon trip, I'd always wanted to travel, but it had always been like so far removed from me.
Aubin Palmer (10:46)
my gosh, yeah.
Stacie Proctor (11:06)
but to actually be doing it and to be walking through these incredible palaces and cathedrals and, you know, walking through like the desert and we rode on camels across the desert and we just were exploring and tasting all the flavors and it was just like, okay, this is what I've always dreamed of. This is like, I've made it. This is it. And we'd only been married for about a year and
Aubin Palmer (11:20)
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (11:36)
I got some really tragic news. My uncle had passed away by suicide and I had just had a surgery and there were a lot of elements that just kind of culminated into this perfect storm and I went into this deep depression and it was so heavy and I remember I could not...
Aubin Palmer (11:51)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (12:00)
I just thought, okay, I just have to pick myself up. just have to, you know, I was used to kind of DIYing and figuring things out. and I just, and so we did all kinds of things. One of the things we did was take, I went with Andy on a little trip back to this elementary school where I had helped to build the playground and thought maybe if I just can connect to some of these.
Aubin Palmer (12:07)
You are not.
Stacie Proctor (12:22)
like really positive, powerful memories in my past, maybe that can help me remember who I am now and can help me kind of pull out of this. But I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared to deal with the level of mental health challenges that I was faced with. And so I just kept thinking and thinking. And pretty soon, like it got to a point where it was just fully compounded I was hospitalized.
and I couldn't function. I remember I just felt, I was completely out of touch with reality. I don't know if you've seen the movie, A Beautiful Mind, but he has this experience where there's a complete separation and it's really startling because the way that the movie's told, you're there with him and it feels real and it seems real and then you realize it's not.
when I look at it, I think that my brain was maybe saying, okay, Stacey, we're in over our heads. Like we can't, we can't survive. And so I don't, I don't know how it all works, but this is, this is like my personal belief of it was, it was, it was a safety mechanism of, okay, we're going to take you into another, another reality. But what happened was when I, when I was there,
Aubin Palmer (13:35)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (13:41)
you know, they were able to help bring me out of it, but there were some huge major things that changed for me. One was that the doctor said, you won't want to have kids because if you do, you'll need to come off of medications and that would be really dangerous for you and if you, you know, are on the medications, it could be really hazardous to the child.
And so it was like this huge element of my life and dreams was suddenly kind of pulled out from under me. And that was, I had not, we had been trying, but had not been able to get pregnant yet. And so, you know, found that out, went home. I couldn't drive.
Aubin Palmer (14:16)
had you already had your son?
Stacie Proctor (14:29)
I couldn't operate a car. We had just been in the process of moving, so we were unpacking in our new house and I was trying to hang things on the wall and I couldn't even hang a picture straight. I just would move from the bed to the couch every day and that was kind of all I could do. And Andy was my primary caretaker and making sure that I was fed, making sure that I was taking baths. And I remember...
feeling so incredibly broken. And I just felt like I've been through so many things and I thought that things were getting better. And then why would this happen to me? Like, how could this happen? And there was still a part of me though that had this hope that was like, maybe, you know, maybe some good, maybe some good can come from this in some way.
And I know that you, like you talk a lot about power and you are a woman of power and the women who are listening to your podcast are women of power. And I think it's these moments where we feel absolutely just. Leveled. When sometimes that's when we come face to face with our power. And we realize.
Aubin Palmer (15:52)
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (15:56)
I have one more left in the tank. I'm still here. I couldn't, if somebody had told me, couldn't have imagined surviving what I have, but here I am. And we realized too that that power, we can access that power every single day. And sometimes it does take rebuilding slowly, but it's, one day at a time and one choice at a time. And
I remember feeling like it would be easier to put back an entire universe than it would be to like put my life back together and my mind back together and and but it was like I'm here for it and we're gonna you know I'm gonna do this and
Aubin Palmer (16:41)
This story, Stacey, is just standing out to me so strongly that you had a hard life, but you were resilient, you were creative, you were a problem solver. And sometimes we think people like that, everything always goes perfect for. And it sounds like you came to this moment that was completely like, like you said, there is nothing left, you're at completely bottom. And that is that moment, like you said, where it is, you still have that power.
but you have to choose to see it and to believe it's there. Even when it, like, from the outside can look like there is nothing left, the power is inside of you. It's always there, like you said, every day. And it was the power you had been using your whole life, and it was what you saw in this moment. It would be easier to rebuild the universe. Like, that's how extreme this was for you, but that's how powerful this power is within you, and so the fact that you could
Have, I love that you used the word resilience because that's the word I use for R in the acronym power I use. That is a big part of power is the resilience and that is actually what you still had in this moment is what I'm hearing because even though it looks like, oh this is worse than it's ever been, I don't even have the power to do this, you did.
And so how did you access that power? What helped you come out of this? Because this is so real and vulnerable for you to share. So I'm so proud of you and thank you for sharing this. Because from the outside, you look just like everything's great and perfect in your life. And look at this moment that you had to decide. And everyone has these moments. So it's so powerful to share. So how did you find that power in that moment?
Stacie Proctor (18:26)
Thank you.
Yeah, initially it came from the outside in. So at this really dark time, I think the greatest, most powerful reflection was from Andy. He was a really safe space. He even made this little book that he gave to me in the hospital and it had a picture of me sitting on the playground that I'd helped build.
and he wrote me little notes and he just gave me these reminders of, is who you are, Stacey, remember who you are. So I'm a huge believer in every opportunity we have to reflect someone's light and power back to them, do that. It is never a competition, whether it's a pageant, in business or in life. Like we have a responsibility and an opportunity to reflect that light to each other because again,
We never know what somebody's going through. Everyone goes through hard things, very hard things for them. And there's no comparison in that it's hard for each of us, but also like we need each other. Sometimes we're in these moments and we really do need each other. And so that reflection was part of it. And another part of it, you know, as my, as my power was growing, was just kind of in that stillness, recognizing the choice that I had.
At the time that I had just come home from the hospital, part of why I really couldn't, part of it was brain function impairment. But part of it was my entire mind and energy was consumed by dealing with these really intrusive dark thoughts, like suicidal thoughts. And I remember having to just reroute, reroute, reroute. It felt like just this swarm of gnats and I would have to.
Aubin Palmer (20:22)
Thank
Stacie Proctor (20:22)
do that over and over and it was probably, you know, a million plus neural pathway reroutes to start to kind of get it in a healthier way. And so sometimes it's these little micro moments of what am I thinking about? I have the power to focus on something else and to think about something else and change that thought.
Aubin Palmer (20:46)
That is so powerful, Stacey, because for you even to share that on the level of suicidal thoughts is so... It shows what power is because that's what I believe too. And that just because you think something does not mean you believe it. And you have that power, that choice to decide, am I gonna keep thinking this or am I gonna reroute it? Am I gonna think something else? And people...
don't think it matters that much, but you're even bringing it up at the level of suicidal thoughts. And it matters at every level, whether it's just like, am I having a good day or not? Like it changes so much of your experience. And so that I'm so glad you brought that up because that is what I believe as well is what our thoughts are a big part of our power and owning that power and seeing.
Just because I think it doesn't mean I believe it, I can choose to think something else. when you're saying like it's a swarm of gnats, like it really can be at times. But learning how to really access that power to be conscious of your thoughts and choose what you think is one of the most important skills anyone, everyone has to learn in this life.
Stacie Proctor (22:01)
So I've since become certified as a positive psychology practitioner. So it was a beautiful, incredible thing. Andy and I got to do it together. It was a shared language. It's really influenced how I approach business and my team and parenting, all kinds of things. So that was a wonderful like...
Aubin Palmer (22:13)
Yeah.
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (22:22)
growth and learning opportunity. from that, I learned a lot of mental management tools. And there's kind of this, like we'll see all the time, like choose happiness. But I think on some level, for a lot of people, they're like, what does that even mean? Like, I just am happy or I'm not happy. And where I think that point of choice is, is what we're talking about on even that thought level.
Aubin Palmer (22:29)
Yeah.
yes
Stacie Proctor (22:49)
What am I choosing
Aubin Palmer (22:49)
yes
Stacie Proctor (22:50)
to focus on? What beliefs am I choosing to feed? know, in, and kind of the wolf, like which wolf wins if two wolves are competing, like the wolf that you, the one that you feed. And so.
for me, choosing happiness is on that thought level and then it's also on that behavior level. So once you're making those choices internally, then it's okay, what action can I take that aligns with the life that I want to be living and aligns with my highest self, aligns with self love and self respect in this moment. So I think those are these, again, these micro moments of power that ultimately lead to incredible things.
Aubin Palmer (23:24)
I don't agree yet.
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (23:34)
You know.
For Mrs. American, we give these judges a bio and it has this bullet point list of all these amazing accomplishments. And I've loved doing that because it's helped me to see, oh my gosh, wow, look how far I've come and to be proud of myself in that way. But what I feel like doesn't show is that journey, right? The journey that it took to get there, the journey from the day home from the hospital to Utah Business 40 under 40 to Voice of Hope at the...
Aubin Palmer (23:55)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (24:05)
Braver Angels National Convention. So, you know, there are all of these really incredible accomplishments, but that's not the true point of power.
Aubin Palmer (24:16)
Yes. That is so powerful the way you just said that. And to see and to feel that because achievements are what people love to look for and love to see as, you are a powerful woman. But it's the little micro moments of power that make you and shape you every single day, every single moment that really cause those to happen and that's the journey.
And it's kind of a cliche phrase. It's not their destination, it's the journey, but it's so true. And I think you and I have both experienced that and that's why we could say it so strongly of it really is the daily things, the micro moments that create that power. So as you were in that moment, how did that start to look for you when you were having these thoughts and redirecting those?
Stacie Proctor (25:10)
So part of it was just like exercising a muscle, kind of like you're at the gym and you're just doing reps. Sometimes it feels like you're just doing reps with different thoughts or different actions. And then it starts to become easier to do that thing than to do something else. And you start to kind of crave and want to go that way. I actually see business as a huge part of my healing journey.
because it gave me a sense of direction and purpose and a point of engagement. But with that, I had to be really careful. I didn't want to over-stress or over-commit myself. And there were some days that I just needed to create a little bubble and I just needed to slow down and heal. And some days that I was ready to give a little bit more. And I think that is one of the challenges right now that we face with a lot of...
kind of traditional working environments is you have to be at a certain place, at a certain time, working on a certain level, and that can be really hard for...
Aubin Palmer (26:05)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (26:07)
you know, for people who are coming out of really difficult circumstances. so entrepreneurship, comes with a lot of challenges too, right? That can sometimes exacerbate stress and exacerbate things. But it also, you know, can be an area where there's more flexibility and you can craft and design your business to be more geared towards your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your team. And that is something now with Gathered,
Aubin Palmer (26:19)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (26:37)
have kind of a twofold mission one is grow good, like helping brands who are doing good in the world to expand their impact and expand that reach. And the second is work well. And that's for me for my team members. We are we're not this on purpose, but we are an entirely female organization at this point, we've had males at different times, but it's powerhouse women. Many are mothers, men almost all love to travel like we all have very rich full life work as a component of life, but it is not the center spoke.
Aubin Palmer (26:54)
Yeah.
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (27:07)
Like the woman, the person is the center spoke and her work supports her wellbeing and supports her life. I don't know if I would be so devoted to that if I hadn't gone through what I had. And thankfully, you know, the women on our team, we've had different people at different time who, you know, they've gone through really tragic experiences in life or really major transitions.
And they've been able to have community and support and flexibility and they're still responsible, right, for doing things. But it's designed in a way that.
Aubin Palmer (27:41)
I think this is so powerful and the more I hear of women CEOs running big organizations and treating their employees like this, it's such a different environment to work in for the whole team and it creates such a community and holistic environment to help the business thrive, but more importantly, the people thrive. And that's what I'm hearing as you're saying that. And I'm just like, I almost want to cry because
Why do we believe that work has to be so toxic? Why can't work be a part of your life that helps you, supports you, and heals you? It doesn't have to be harmful to your life at all. And I love, I'm always telling people, entrepreneurship is the best self-development course on the planet. But what I'm hearing your power in is that as we are leaders in the business world and we are the entrepreneur but we are employing others, we can still carry that energy to our...
teams and our employees so that they don't have to be an entrepreneur to have that same kind of safe healing environment in their job. And that's just part of the feminine energy that you're bringing to a job and a business that is totally possible and does not hurt but I truly believe helps your business. To give people space to heal, to treat them like humans, that's so beautiful.
Stacie Proctor (29:04)
Thank you. Yeah, it's, this is definitely felt. So I've had multiple businesses now. I've sold a couple of businesses I've had gathered for just over five years. And it's continuing to grow and expand. There are some really incredible opportunities just on the horizon. And I'm looking at, okay, how do I pursue these? Well, you know, in a way that is good for my wellbeing, my team's wellbeing, but that are
exponentially, you know, going to grow the business exponentially. And sometimes that's the challenge, right? It's, on both ends of it. How do how do we continue to reorient ourselves to well-being? But, but yeah, it's I've been, I've been loving what I'm doing. And it's not always been easy. But the thing that I come back to is, is kind of these points of alignment. And at the end of the day, I matter.
My team matters, like people, people matter. So yeah, those are some of the things that I'm up to. I don't know if you have any other specific.
Aubin Palmer (30:04)
I have a
question because you know have this moment of being at rock bottom and and coming and healing through it and what led you to pursuing this business and pursuing Mrs. Utah and pursuing just all these achievements you've had because it sounds like you have the resilience of your childhood but even more power underneath it so kind of what was the process of deciding to do all those things?
Stacie Proctor (30:33)
One of the biggest paradigms that I think has supported the level of resilience and the level of growth that I've experienced is seeing when I am scared or when something is really, you know, when I'm feeling like I'm up against my barriers, instead of being afraid and kind of retracting that I push through, I push through that.
and then take time to rest and regroup. But with that, it's a different taste for challenge. And there's different kinds of challenge because obviously I've had to protect my mental health. And so sometimes I know, nope, I'm backing off. I'm slowing down. I'm decreasing my plimsoll marks or my stress. But I'm talking about...
opportunities like participating in a pageant or opportunities like saying yes to a strategic partnership that's kind of overwhelming and exciting and have a little bit of imposter syndrome around it, but just saying yes, saying yes to that challenge and that opportunity for growth and taking those just kind of one at a time as those opportunities come up and then fortifying around it.
Right? And then the acclimating and that becomes kind of your new level that you're operating from. And like you said, it's that same resilience growing up, it's compounding skills and compounding capabilities, relationships, experience and wisdom to draw from.
And so I do feel like there's this beautiful story that I heard from Jay Shetty that was about a man who wanted to cross a river and he had no idea how to cross it. It was this big raging river. it was not, he could not have crossed it on his own. And he realized I need a raft. I've got to build a raft, but I have no idea how to build a raft. And so he starts.
you know, prototyping and starting to construct things and launching things out and it doesn't work and he comes back and it takes so long, longer than he thought, harder than he thought. He finally builds this raft and is able to successfully cross the river. And he's like, this thing is a treasure. He straps it to his back and he keeps walking on into the woods.
on his journey thinking next time I come to a river I'm going to be prepared, I'm going to have my raft and I can do this. As he's walking through the woods it gets harder and harder to walk because the trees are getting thicker and thicker and he's having to turn sideways with this raft and pretty soon he cannot move forward. This raft is just like impeding him from moving and so he realizes if I want to go forward I now have to let go.
of this and that is such a hard thing because it was security and it was you know it was his thing that he got him across and he realizes though he does he if he wants to continue on the journey he has to let it go and the realization is even as he's laying it down like I know how to build a raft I've now crossed a river I know my power my capability here
Aubin Palmer (33:46)
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (33:51)
And if I come to another river, I'll figure it out. And if I come to a mountain, I'll figure it out. And I think that is part of it, is building that self-efficacy and just adding to it, no matter what the new experience is. Remember all that you've already overcome. Remember how far you've come. Remember you know incredible things. But more than anything, it's always that point of choice.
Aubin Palmer (34:02)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (34:20)
that's your power.
Aubin Palmer (34:20)
Yes.
That is such a beautiful story. I haven't heard that and I love Jayshadi. So like, thank you for sharing that. And I think that's a beautiful example of what we're talking about is that you might not bring the things that you've built with you, but what you will have is your ability, your skills, your power and your capacity. And that's always coming with you. And as you build new rafts and go to new places, you're gonna always have that with you. And I talk with women a lot and they're,
I'm sure you've heard this, but we're not actually afraid of failure, we're afraid of success and being capable to do it. And I love to say you will always rise in capacity to where you are. And because it's not gonna just go from A to Z, you're gonna go to A to B and B to C and B to C. There's little steps that build you to where you are and you will be able to rise to that capacity.
because of who you are and all that you've done before. And so I feel like that's that same idea of carrying that with you is that you don't have to carry the raft. You are the power. You are the raft. And that's why you're okay. So you don't have to rely on the raft for security. You rely on yourself. And that's what gives you that power to say, I'll be okay. I don't know what the rivers are gonna look like. I don't know what's coming up ahead, but I'm okay because I have me. And that's.
Stacie Proctor (35:20)
Yes, you, yes.
Aubin Palmer (35:41)
That's what confidence really is. think confidence often gets portrayed as like, have all these achievements, I have all this stuff, but the confidence isn't in what you've accomplished, it's in who you are and trusting yourself that you can move forward and do hard things.
So beautiful and I can sense that true deep confidence in you Stacey as you've shared this story. And it's so fascinating because like I've mentioned I've known Stacey probably six plus months and I didn't even know this about her. But at the same time I'm a very good reader of people's character and energy and I instantly love Stacey and knew that she was a powerful woman and had... You can tell when people are...
just happy and frivolous or if they're happy because they've gone through the hard things and they're choosing happy. I love how you even use those words because you see your own power. You see that your circumstances don't create you, that you do, and that you rose above this very hard moment in your life, but you let it be for you. It didn't hurt you and you helped it build you into who you are today.
I can confidently say Stacey could do anything she wants and I know she knows that and so I say that she's like, okay Yeah, sure, but she already knows that and that is the power that is in with all of us that I want to inspire everyone to feel Especially women. I have a big warm spot in my heart for women. Of course, it's true for all but women I want you to know that you really can do anything not because you're special you've been given any privilege but because of who you are
and that this story Stacey has shared with us today is such a beautiful example of that. So thank you, Stacey. Is there anything else you would like to add as we wrap up this beautiful conversation?
Stacie Proctor (37:36)
Thank you for inviting me, giving me the opportunity to share my story. I think we each have a story and we really can often see ourselves in other stories. And so it's so powerful as women to be doing this. So thank you for what you're doing, for how you're using your voice and the platforms that you've created to liberate and empower other women. it's such, there's no...
Aubin Palmer (37:53)
Okay.
Stacie Proctor (38:04)
There's nothing better than to know that you are aligned with the gifts and the purpose that have been given to you. And Abin, are like, you are in it. You are aligned. This is beautiful.
Aubin Palmer (38:14)
thank you.
Yes, I just get a fire with me when I think of helping women to feel this, because it's it's so important to me. you know, like you said, that's when you feel aligned. So thank you for saying that, because I would go all day, all night just to do this. Like that's how important it is to me. I really believe in the power of the collective of women that we don't have to find the...
Like it sounds kind of contradictory as I said, like the power is within you, but I love how you mentioned you found it from your husband. Like we bring it up in each other. We help each other remember and find it. And I think women have a natural ability to connect with each other that we can let jealousy or competition block, but it doesn't have to. And we could really just be all our best selves together and rise in power together and not like power to hurt anybody or take over the world.
just to be who we are and shine in our individual ways and just feel that peace and joy and completion and fulfillment and wholeness, all of that. And that's what we're doing all by sharing your story. So that's what you just did today. people, women listening to this, I don't know if any men listen to this podcast, but women listening to this, hopefully felt that, didn't they? They're welcome to, but if it was just women that feel that.
Stacie Proctor (39:32)
We love them too.
Aubin Palmer (39:39)
that power in them and can feel, I can do it, even if I'm at my rock bottom right now like Stacy was. We all have those moments.
Stacie Proctor (39:49)
And maybe the last little thought I do want to add in here, kind of what, just based off of what you were saying, don't be afraid to be surrounded by phenomenal, incredible women. Do not be afraid of other women's light. It's really about, are you inspired?
or are you insecure and that power is in you to choose. And I can tell you, if you want to learn incredible skills, if you want to be inspired and see what's possible and make it through your hardest moments, you want and need other people around you who are standing in their power as well. So don't dim yours, show up, other people need it. And don't be afraid, don't be afraid to connect with other people who...
who you see as incredible. Just go bask. Bask and soak in it.
Aubin Palmer (40:41)
I love
that. it's what I hear you saying is that you're good enough for everyone. Don't think that, they're they're so powerful. I'm not good enough. Like, no, their power will just give you power. So be around those people that are shining because you can shine brighter, too. And I you were there when I did this analogy. But like when you are shining, you are like a candle and you light other people's candles and no one's candle is burning dimmer. Everyone just shines. And that's the same power of like what you're saying.
I love that analogy because sometimes we think, if I'm less than, I'm not shining, that's the comparison. We're all on the same plane. We're all powerful. We all are shining. So just be around people that are shining and that will help you shine brighter. That will help them shine brighter. And we all just shine together and there's no comparison or competition because we're all different in our own ways. But it's not a matter of who's better ever. And that just...
Be around people that make you feel good, of course. I love that, and that just helps you be your best. So if anyone wanted to reach out to you or follow you, get to know you better, what is your Instagram handle so they can follow you? And we'll put this in the show notes too.
Stacie Proctor (41:42)
Yes.
So you can follow me on my personal Instagram. I'm having to look it up. It's staceproctor, at staceproctor. On Instagram. Friend me on Facebook. And then my business is called Gathered. It's spelled G-A-T-H-R-D. And you can visit the website gathered.co, G-A-T-H-R-D.co. yeah.
Aubin Palmer (42:00)
I love it.
Stacie Proctor (42:18)
feel free to reach out. I'd love to hear your story. If you have a story or, yeah, just know that I'm another friend in your corner.
Aubin Palmer (42:27)
Yeah, that's so beautiful. And Stacey really is. She has big open arms for everyone. She just loves people. And that's why we just got along so quick. We're both like that. And just could be like, I see you. Let's be friends. We don't have to waste time with the formalities. Sometimes people need a knife. I've always been that way. And sometimes people are a little like, wow, that's too much. But when I find women like you, they're like, yes, my arms are open too.
Stacie Proctor (42:52)
Yes, I love your much, Albin. Albin, love
my, just be much.
Aubin Palmer (42:57)
Yeah,
and it's just it's it's so I used to hide it because I didn't it wasn't always received But now I just be that way and I love when people reciprocate and if people don't I respect it But I love when I do connect quickly with women and that's how Stacey is so she is there for you if you Have had anything like what she's going through. I want to just talk to her. She will talk to you I know that so thank you again for coming today Stacey, and I hope as you've listened to Stacey that you see Your power that it's there
no matter where you are in your journey and that you are not alone. There are other women that you can talk to to help remind you, to help you shine and that this is the journey. We just touched on so many big important points but this is what it's all about and I think the biggest thing I took away is to not give up because even when it feels like...
I mean that was just so beautiful what you said of like I had easier to redo the universe than to help me. It can feel that way for a lot of people and to really see that it can feel that way but it is still worth it. Don't give up. Keep going.
Stacie Proctor (44:06)
best is yet to come.
Aubin Palmer (44:08)
Yes, I love that. And I know you've been like that where you were saying like when you got married, like I'm here, I figured it all out, my life is perfect. And then it got worse than you could have ever imagined, but now it's better than you ever imagined, even at that moment you thought you had it all. Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (44:23)
different, but better, like expanded,
more compassionate, more capable.
Aubin Palmer (44:30)
Yes. And I see, what I sensed is that in ways you couldn't even imagine at the time. And I think that's what I love to help remind people is when we really trust and step into the unknown, things better than we can even imagine will happen. But we have to trust that and move forward. And no, we can't even think of how good things are gonna be right now because it's not even our awareness, but it will come. And so you have to be willing to move forward even when it feels hard.
Aubin Palmer (00:01)
So Stacey, you said that you have a son and then you shared in there that the doctor told you you wouldn't be able to have any children. So how were you able to have your son and how was that experience?
Stacie Proctor (00:11)
Okay, so having him is the biggest like gift and blessing of all of this. When I look back at my health before having this episode and before, you know, being hospitalized, it was not great. You know, again, I'd grown up and didn't have like amazing nutrition growing up and my periods had never been regular. As I got a little bit older, I was more mindful about health, but not...
really consistent with it. And so when I was in the hospital, well first I'll say Andy and I tried for 14 months when we first got married to get pregnant and I couldn't get pregnant. And I didn't know if I would ever be able to get pregnant. And so when I was hospitalized, told that you probably won't want to have a baby, it could be not good for you or the baby on medications, I thought that was just kind of gone from the realm of possibilities for me.
we ended up being able to, this is a miracle, a story for another day, but transition onto a holistic regimen with vitamins, omegas, probiotics, salts, like just a lot of different things, and then sleep, learning about maintaining stress levels, just a lot of my core pillars of health. I really had to develop this whole formula for myself to be well and to be sustained.
because even on medications, was still struggling with suicidal thoughts, struggling with deep depression without a hole. There was no more kind of on the manic side, but it was like, you know, the trajectory is you're gonna get on a cocktail of medications and we're gonna have to change that over time. It's gonna have side effects. And this miracle came up and we were able to try a different route. And that paired with, you know, other lifestyle elements really gave me a foundation. So after being on this,
plan for over a decade. My health was in better shape than it's ever been in. recently, I'm 37 years old. I recently did a test, like a full health panel and the biological age that they gave me was 22 years and four months. If anything, I've been reversing the clocks and just healthier than ever. so eight years, it took us eight years, you know, to have Will. And part of that was the fear. Andy was really afraid of losing.
Aubin Palmer (02:19)
my god.
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (02:34)
me, like again, in part or in whole. And I was even afraid. I was afraid, what if this completely derails me again? What kind of a mother would I be? Like, what if I don't come back? know, just questions. But I knew that this was something that was so important to me. I could not imagine going through my life not being a mother. And I was very open to adoption and alternative kind of ways of being a mother, but also
Aubin Palmer (02:37)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (03:03)
I really wanted to try, to try to have a baby. And so I told Andy, you know, six years in, I was like, I really wanna do this. And he was still scared. It took another two years until finally I was like, Andy, I love you, but I need you to know, like I have the strongest impression, don't wait. And he's like, so you mean like right now, right now? And I'm like, well, you know.
Aubin Palmer (03:24)
Yes.
Stacie Proctor (03:30)
And then the first time that we tried, we got pregnant. I had a very healthy pregnancy, healthy postpartum, and I have the most beautiful, beautiful little boy. So sweet. He is so extremely intelligent and kind, and he's the light of my life. And I wonder, I just wonder like how much of the heart that I went through was
Aubin Palmer (03:40)
Yeah.
Stacie Proctor (03:59)
was for me to step up to take power and control over my health to lead to this experience, to have Will at this time to have him, you know, be who he is and the way he is. even that beautiful bonding with me and Andy, the way that he told me he was ready was he'd always focused on all the things he was afraid would happen. And we started changing our conversation to say,
but what could happen that could be amazing? What could happen that would be so incredible and exciting? Like, what's the why of why we'd want it? And for us, a huge part of it again was travel and adventures. And imagine being this little human's guide to the universe and being the first people to help him touch the ocean and introduce him to ancient redwood trees and talk to him about space and the moon. His middle name's Apollo. And it's like, just, very...
Aubin Palmer (04:34)
Thank
you
my gosh, that's so cute. I love
Stacie Proctor (04:56)
And it
Aubin Palmer (04:57)
them.
Stacie Proctor (04:57)
was like, this is a dream. so the way he said yes, he got this little family Lego RV set. was a mom, a dad, and a baby. And it was like, OK, let's go on this adventure.
Aubin Palmer (05:06)
you
Oh my gosh, TZ, that is so, I have just an awe of this and like.
What hurt me so hard is when you said that this hard moment helped you step up so that you could have your son. And that, and having that perspective and seeing to see it that way, because you could choose to see it however you want, but the way you're choosing is giving you power, is reinforcing that power you were able to develop to take care of your health, to take care of yourself, and to...
to choose how you're gonna do it, because I really feel like it's strong in there that you didn't just follow whatever the doctor said, but you listened to your intuition of how can I take care of myself and be able to have a baby. And what I hear in there is what I say with healthcare a lot, and being a nurse, I feel fully able to say this, you have to be your own advocate. There are so many doctors out there and you have to decide what is right for you, and that's what you did.
and were able to have this beautiful family that you knew was right for you. And like you said, there's lots of options, but you had this feeling that you were supposed to have a son and at least try. And you did. And then you can move forward now saying, I did it. I knew it was possible. It felt right. And I listened to myself. And too often women don't listen to themselves. And that I...
Always say you are the genius of your own life, so listen to yourself. And that's how this miracle was able to happen for you. I am so glad we talked about this, because this is such an important part of your story and this power that you developed from this very hard moment, but that it actually blessed you to have this. thank you so much, Stacey, for sharing that.
That's so good. Thank you for sharing your story today again, Stacey, and I will talk with you all next week. Have a great week.
