Aubin Palmer (00:01)
Hello, Power Women. It is so good to be back with you and to have another solo episode. I love doing these just as much as the interviews and they both have so much merit in being the Power Women we are and I love getting the chance to just share insights, things I've learned in my own experience with you and so that's just what I'm gonna do this week but a little bit different than just through the eyes of business but through the lens of what I've been doing in the Mrs. Utah America pageant.
over the last six months. And a lot of you've been following me and seeing what I'm doing on social media. I've shared the whole journey there. So if you're curious to see more about it, you can always go look on my Instagram, AbenPollmerCoaching and see more there. But we're going to talk about it today. I'm just going to give you kind of the behind the scenes inside look of what I learned and experienced doing this because it really has helped me in my business as a mother, as a wife, just my whole life. And
I love to share what I learned and help you too. So this has been a very significant, powerful moment of my year and it's only March or it's April now, but it happened in March and I have to let you get it yourself because I do remember in the beginning when I started to share this, I joined back in October. So it was in the beginning, maybe like November or December.
someone reached out to me in a message on Instagram said, this is so inspiring and I love how you're shining and what you're doing and maybe I should join the pageant too. And I replied to her, and this is what I'm saying to you today, the same thing as great, if you want to do this pageant, I think it would be so awesome for you, but it doesn't have to be a pageant. Find something in your life that you've kind of dreamed of doing that's kind of in the back of your head that would stretch you, get out of your comfort zone.
but you know you want to do it and it's going to help you grow so much and it could be anything for you. It does not have to be a pageant, but being true to ourselves and doing things that are exciting and help us grow can be beyond just business. Business definitely does that for me, but doing this pageant has taken it to another level for me and that's exactly what I want to share with you today. So I figured I would start by kind of telling you the story of events of what everything that happened.
to give you context and then share the three lessons that really stood out to me in doing this pageant. And if you want a spoiler, I did not win. It did not turn out how I hoped or wanted it to in the end, but it was still a good experience and something I do not regret doing at all because of the growth and insight and confidence I have gained from doing this and the friends, some of the best friends I've ever made doing this pageant.
I will give you that spoiler. I did not win, but I did win in my own way and I won my way. And that's what I want to share with you and help you to figure out how you're going to win in your way in whatever you decide to do, whether it is a pageant or not. It does not have to be a pageant for everyone, but this was significant for me. And let's dive in and I'll explain why. I developed scoliosis and kyphosis at 12 years old and I had been a confident
brave person, child growing up and then all of sudden something limited me. At least I let it limit me because I let it mean that I was not good enough, that I was deformed, that I was not beautiful. And for the next 25 years I let it mean that no matter if anyone said I was beautiful or was nice to me or said kind things about me, I couldn't accept it fully because I had this
limitation, at least in my mind. And I let it mean that it's all people saw in me, right? It's like when you have a on your face and you think that's all anyone sees. Well, this was bigger than a zit to me. And full disclosure, I was bullied at 12 years old when it happened. I was called a hunchback. My spine is curved in different directions. So it's curved to the side with scoliosis and then rounded with the kyphosis. So it's just not a straight spine in any direction.
and it's especially in the thoracic region of my back, if you know that's kind of like your middle back. And it is not a straight spine. No matter how tall I stand, it isn't straight. But I had been doing work to learn to love myself. Life coaching has changed my life and being a life coach, learning to see that it was a thought, that these were not facts, that I was not enough, that this is all people saw.
that this was all I saw in myself. I had so much shame I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. And here I was, a successful entrepreneur, mother of three girls that I wanted to be an example of, of loving yourself, believing in yourself, and I still was hanging on to some of these beliefs about myself. And it was hurting me. It was dimming my light. And I was doing the work to let go of it. And I had had received coaching on it. I had talked to people about it. I was
working on shifting it and then I met Chelsea Rasmussen in 2024 and she had won the Mrs. Utah America that year and she was recruiting people to join. That was what she was supposed to do. And so when she did invite me to join, my head immediately believed what I had always believed is no, I can't, I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough. But then the new thought I had been starting to believe came in too and said, yes, you can, you are enough, you do shine.
And what if you did this just to prove yourself wrong? And so in that moment, I knew I had to do it and I signed up and I had no clue what I was really getting into. I thought you just bought a couple of dresses and stood on the stage and then they decided who won. And I was like, I don't even care about winning. I just want to stand on a stage and believe in myself. And that was really all my intent was for doing the pageant. But because it was six months away, things changed. And so I...
love Utah's pageantry because they do create a sisterhood and they do little parties and workshops and events together in that six months so that you get to know the other contestants. And as I started to connect with the other women and former queens, I realized that this was a lot to do, time, energy, effort, if I wasn't gonna go all in. And so probably halfway through maybe like January into December, I decided
What if I did win? Is that even possible? And that was the moment that I really shifted in confidence when I said, I'm not just doing this to show myself wrong. I'm doing this to win. And that's when I started to really invest into it. I was before I, you know, I was going to the events and I was watching little videos and buying a dress. But when I believed I'm going to do this all the way, I'm going to believe in myself 100%. I bought
coaching, got help from people of learning how to do interview, how to walk on the stage, how to do a platform. I started exercising more and taking care of myself even better and I've been doing that but I took it to an even other level and I started talking to myself differently because it wasn't just, I'm gonna do this to say I did it, it was I'm gonna do this to win and that energy
took me from probably like 80 % to 100 % of really believing this was gonna happen. So in this process, I got even closer with the other contestants. We were talking every day, collaborating, helping each other, and I just got so excited for this actual pageant that was on March 29th. And coming to that day, it was...
there are four parts to your score basically. And so there is the interview, which is the day before on Friday, and no one sees that. It's just private with the judges. And there are five judges, and you get five minutes with each judge. You just go in a circle and sit down at a table with each of them and talk to them for five minutes. And they give you a score, or they'll give you a score. They judge you on your appearance, so you do get all glammed up for that. And then also your interview, how you talked, the answers you gave.
And then the second half of your score is the pageant night itself on the stage and that's a fitness portion in a swimsuit and then evening gown. And you walk on the stage alone in a choreographed pattern that they tell you to do and they judge you on that. So there's four parts, 25 % each, but you don't get a number score. get, they just pick their favorites of all four parts. And then if you have a lot of times they picked you, then you win.
or you make the finalists and then from the finalists you win. So on the 28th, I went to the hotel, got my hair and makeup professionally done because I went all in again and I loved, I had done so much work learning how to do interviews and when I had first signed up I thought, you know do a podcast, I know how to talk to people, I'm not nervous. But there's actually a strategy and a skill in learning how to.
do a pageant interview. And so I learned that and I practiced and knew what I was going to say and knew how to talk with judges and do it confidently and without nerves or anxiety. And I loved it. I did great. I wore a bright pink fuchsia dress, my color, and felt like myself and really enjoyed sharing my platform. That's really where you get to talk about your platform, which was Power Women, along with this podcast. So I talked about this podcast. I talked about the book.
that we're making together that's gonna be published soon. I talked about my confidence that has grown in doing this pageant with my back and loved sharing all of that with the judges and the different events I had gone to to contribute. had gone to schools, I had done free webinars, I was talking on podcasts, so it was just cool to tell them about my platform, what I believed in, and how I wanted to help more women as Mrs. Utah.
That went great. I felt so good about it. And so then the rest of the day we just practice and hung out with the other Queens. We had a little party that night and then Saturday morning we did dress rehearsal all day because we all had to learn an opening number. We had to practice our choreographed parts with the fitness and evening gown. And then there was the stage part of the pageant that night where people bought tickets and could come and the judges would do the second half of the judging and the Queens would be awarded. So
The interesting part was I was confident about the swimsuit part. I thought it was fun, it's more of a spunky walk, and I felt great about it. But the evening gown was really the part that mattered to me because I had intentionally bought a gown back in November that was lower back and showed my spine because that was part of why I was doing this pageant. And I then had decided to get hair extensions to really make my hair a little thicker and fuller.
and longer and it ended up covering my back in the dress because I wanted it to be down. And a week before the pageant, I decided to choreograph into my evening gown walk, which was like in a figure eight across the stage that when I was turning in the curve of the eight around, I would pull my hair to the side and show my back fully to the judges, to the audience and to myself and no more hiding, no more shame. And so when that moment came,
I really just stepped into it and believed in myself and felt it just like out of body experience because it was so surreal and I did it. I walked in that figure eight, I pulled my hair to the side and in that moment I felt victory. I felt like I had won and I had won in my way and it felt so good and so many people told me that were watching that thought that they could feel it from me. They could feel that energy.
from me of really defeating the limiting beliefs that had dimmed me for so long. And it was my moment of standing tall because that became part of my platform of stand tall and shine together. And I wanted to stand tall in that moment, not straight because my back is not straight, but stand tall and shine so that others could shine. And that's really part of being a power woman. A woman in the women is to shine so that others can shine too.
And that was that moment for me as I shined my brightest and I wanted it to be. I felt so much love for myself that when others looked at me, they felt love for themselves. Not that they thought, she's perfect. She's beautiful. She's the best. They thought I can feel the love in her and it helped them feel more love for themselves so they could shine too. That was my goal in that moment on the stage.
And it happened. It really did. And I felt that victory and that shift in who I was and that I could stand tall for the rest of my life because of it. And so I got off the stage and immediately was crying, trying not to cry because you don't want to your makeup or whatever, but I was crying and holding my liaison, she gave me the biggest hug and said, I felt it. You did it. That was your moment. Because I had told her my story. And then
shortly thereafter they announced the finalists and I was not one of them and I was in shock because I felt so good and I had had the energy I wanted and I did my best and I had won in my way and so I thought it would carry over to being in the finalists and even maybe winning and it didn't and I was little bit in shock but I kept moving forward there was still the rest of the pageant to win and
I was still so excited when one of my good friends, Jessica Johnson, she did win Mrs. Utah American and I felt the victory with her too. And that was such a beautiful moment. But I did go home that night and I felt the grief and the disappointment and I didn't force myself to be happy. It's easy, especially when we are generally happy people, to force happiness.
And that's what toxic positivity is. And I was still so happy for those that did win and all the experiences they had. And I still let myself just feel the grief and disappointment. And I didn't let the toxic positivity creep in. And I gave myself 24 hours and I really just slept. I was in bed. I would wake up here or there, but I gave myself the space to just sleep and feel it. And it was so good for me. Because...
By that 24 hours later, the next night, Sunday night, I felt just full joy because I had given myself the time and space to process it, to be disappointed during turn out how I wanted. And then I felt the closure and that I could just be happy because people that did win, I was so happy for. And I did win in my own way and had my victory moment. And.
I had learned so much. And so that's what I want to share with you now is the three lessons that really stood out to me with doing this and why it was so important for me. So the first was collaboration, not competition. And I have believed in this for a long time, especially as an entrepreneur, as a woman in business, that we don't have to feel competitive or put other people down to elevate ourselves up.
And it is easy to think that in this kind of competition, it is a competition, it's called a competition, that that is how you play, that is what you do. And I kind of thought it would be like that, that other women would be that way. And so I think that's why when I originally joined, I didn't think I would even want to win because I didn't want to play that game. But I was amazed at the sisterhood in this pageant. The women...
would get together and have events. got to know each other. We would have parties together and we got to become good friends to the point where I was so close with these women. said, if one of them wins, I'll be just as happy as if I had one. And that ended up being true and feeling that way and getting to experience the joy for other people and not think that it's bad for you is the secret to life. Because when we are competing,
We are completely an ego and that means there is hierarchy. Someone's better, someone's worse. We are comparing and it only brings us down to compare, to elevate ourselves at putting others down or to put ourselves down by elevating others. This, I see this all the time in business. I see this all the time among moms. I see this all the time in marriage and we don't have to live that way ever. We really can celebrate together and support each other.
and collaborate and I felt that so many times when you know there was a moment I like two days before the pageant my my opening number outfit didn't fit and I realized I could still wear it but it wouldn't look very good and so I reached out to so many of the other contestants and I said hey does anyone have any dresses I don't have time to order one I don't even know where to go buy one and
Several of them let me just come to their houses, try it on, brought me dresses. That is collaboration, right? Like they didn't say, I'm not gonna help you look better. I want you to look bad. If your dress doesn't fit, that's good. That means you're not gonna be as good. No, there was zero of that. And so many of them offered me their dresses and I found one from actually Jessica who had a dress that she had been going to, was going to use and then she found another thing and hadn't returned it. And so.
It fit perfectly. It was flattering and she let me use it. I actually bought it from her, but I used it for the pageant for the opening number where we had to wear red. And that experience showed me that we can live this way in all of life. And when we think that we have to be better than others or put them down to be our best, we are an ego and it is a lie. And
Think about when you are comparing to others or in a competitive energy. Do you feel good?
And the answer is of course not. It makes you anxious and on edge and putting others down or not giving them or sharing address. Like how does that make you feel? Like we're in business, we can give referrals, we can help each other. Or as a mom, you praise her, you let her be her best because that's how you could be your best too. And in this example, you know, there really was only three crowns given, but
We all won because we had that collaboration and we had that sisterhood to give us all power to be our best. And that makes it a fulfilling experience for everyone because if all I cared about was winning, I could have just been devastated in the end. And I still had disappointment, of course, and I gave myself to feel that. moving forward and feeling the victory I had and celebrating the crown that the other women wore was so fulfilling.
And that's what we're really seeking in life is the fulfillment and joy. And we can have that when we are in a collaboration energy and there isn't the competition. The next thing that really stood out to me was learning and living. It's this or something better. This was a phrase, mantra, declaration I had learned maybe like a year before, and I used it the whole time in preparing for it.
that it was gonna be this or something better, that I really believed that if I did not win, it's because there was something better for me. So then coming to the actual happening of that, that I did not win, I already had been saying that to myself the whole time, and so I was fine. And I now know there is something better for me. And sometimes when we say the word better, we think it's better and that it's bigger. So it could mean like, I'm gonna do another pageant, and that it's gonna be a bigger title or a bigger win.
but I don't think that's what this better is at all. It's just something better for me. Now it's only been a week, so I don't really know what is better yet, but because I believe that the whole prep for the competition, when the results turned out that way, I was fine because I know there is something better coming for me and I am open, I am excited, I am expansive and ready to receive it and ready to try other things.
And kind of like I said in the beginning for you, it might be another pageant. It might not. It could be something completely different. But doing this pageant has opened me up to doing bigger things, to saying yes, to having the confidence that even when it's a little scary and unknown to do it and running a business has taught me that so much. And then doing this pageant took it to another level and I am really ready to find what is better for me and not think that not winning this means that I wasn't good enough, that I did something wrong, that I'm not.
as good as the other women, that just this was their moment for this and that I have other things to do right now and that we can all win in our own way and really feeling that and moving forward with that just sets me up for success and them too. And we all get to win and that just feels so good. Again, that's what we really want is how we feel. And so I can't tell you what is better for me yet. I haven't even figured it out, but stay tuned because I will let you know as soon as I know what is my next thing that is better for me.
And it's going to be so exciting when I see it and I might not even see it till in retrospect and that's okay. That just feels so much better is better way to live. And why not? Why not believe there's something better for me? We get to believe whatever we want. And that is what I am choosing to believe. And it feels so good and so true. And so I'm ready to see what's next. And this leads to number three, which was
it we are all born to shine. So many people dim their lights because they're afraid, they've been injured, they've had hard things happen, they don't want to outshine others and that is who I was being before this. I was shining but not as brightly as I could and a lot of it had to do with my back. I dimmed my light for a long time because I believed I was never enough.
I could be as good as I was, but I wasn't all the way because I didn't have a straight back. Which when I say out loud now, it just sounds so crazy. But these are the kind of things our brains create as ideas all the time. And so standing on that stage, having my victory moment, showing my back with love, pride, standing tall, it really helped me learn to shine. And I know that we are all born to shine. The phrase born to shine.
is the title of a book by Kendra Scott that someone had brought to one of the parties in December for Favorite Things. And I read it and loved it. It's such a powerful book. She is a powerful female entrepreneur and she makes jewelry. She has a big jewelry business and I love it. I've bought lots of her jewelry since reading the book to help remind me to shine. And it is so empowering to know that when we shine, it helps others to shine. And so,
when I made that as my platform statement, it was part of that, of saying, tall and shine together as power women. And when I shine, you shine brighter. We do not dim anyone out when we shine. And my favorite way to really see this, and I even taught this to the women once at an event, I gave everyone a candle and my candle was lit and shining bright. And I used that candle to light another woman's candle.
And she used that to light another woman's candle. And then we were all shining. And we were all shining at 100 % brightness, full capacity of the candle at the same time. But what lit each other's candle was each other. And that is true for you too. You are dimming your light in some way and might not even realize it. I thought I was shining bright, but doing this pageant helped me see there was still so much more to shine. To not hide.
to not let the shame or embarrassment stop me anymore, but to stand tall. And I have a back that isn't straight and it's okay. And I can shine fully in other ways now because of that, because I'm not gonna be afraid to say, I like to do lots of offers at the same time. I like to have group offers and private offers and talk about them all the time. And that's what I'm doing right now this month. That is one way I'm shining now in my business. And I have an exciting event coming up this month.
called Manifesting Abundance that is gonna be on the 24th that I'm excited to just teach really what I have learned about manifesting and living in abundance. And that's what I have been doing a lot lately and people have told me a lot that they can feel it and sense it and I want to share it with you. So I'm gonna shine and have this event and it's even at my own house. We're just gonna be together talking.
in a very close intimate place. So I'm only sending out the address to this site up and it won't be very many, just about 20 people. But if you want that, if you're ready to live in abundance and know how to manifest everything you want from an energy of abundance, this is for you. So come to that. And there's lots of other things I'm doing right now too. And I just love shining and being myself and not holding back and not waiting for permission from someone else to say, this is how you run your business. This is what you're supposed to do and just doing what feels right to me.
I'm going all out and shining and you can too. And I also really feel like this helped me as a mom because my daughters were so in awe of this whole experience and I wanted them to know that they can do anything to that. They can stand tall and shine in their own way and they are so cute when they talk about things now because they
I can tell they feel more power in who they are as women, as girls, and that anything is possible for them. And I love being able to say, I did this pageant, what do you wanna do? And I've shared this before, my daughter wants to the Olympics and I believe in her. Why wouldn't she? And if not, it'll be something better. And just living that way as a mom, living it by example is so amazing because then your daughters, your kids will see it.
that that was part of being born to shine is giving that example and not hiding anymore. I have loved this experience so much and I don't know right now if I'm gonna do any more pageants, if I'm gonna try for this one again. I don't have to decide right now, but I do know that I don't regret it and that it helped me. I grew in confidence and even though I thought I had enough confidence to do it,
being in this place of believing I could win and going all in skyrocketed my confidence even more. And that plays into my whole life. I stand taller and say, no, better. I'm not as much of a people pleaser. And I follow my own intuition. What feels right to me? How am I going to shine in my business, in my health, in my home? I'm going to shine my way. And this is so possible for you too. You do not have to do a pageant like I said.
but you can find your pageant equivalent and help it help you grow. And it could be even just doing something different in your business or making your business in a different way. It could be totally outside of your business like mine was, but it will help you in your motherhood, your marriage, your business, your life, because you are born to shine. Everything you want will happen or something better.
and you can do it through a lot of collaboration and zero competition. So I hope this story has inspired you to shine your brightest, to be you, be the power woman you are. And I am gonna keep showing up for you in this podcast because I did not just do this platform for the pageant. This is something I believe in so much. I've been doing this podcast for over two years. It's gonna keep doing it. And I am so excited for the book to come out soon. I will talk all about it when it does here on the podcast.
and just keep showing up for you and having other women as interviews. It's gonna keep going. This is not over at all and I love that I get to do it with the extra confidence, standing taller and being the power woman I am so we all shine together. So I hope you have a great week and I will see you again next week.
