Aubin Palmer (00:01)
Well, hello Power Women and welcome to another amazing episode with a guest of another Power Woman on here. Today I have someone extra special, my own sister, Kristen Tretman. And of course we're sisters so we have different last names, we're both married so I'm Palmer, she's Tretman, but we were both Lewis's before. So Kristen is my sister and one of my best friends. We've been very close for a long time and she's been actually working as my...
Christan Trentman (00:13)
Hello.
Aubin Palmer (00:30)
business assistant, personal assistant, how long has it been, Cristen?
Christan Trentman (00:33)
I think we started last May, last June. Yeah.
Aubin Palmer (00:36)
So almost a year now, huh?
That's been awesome. So it's been so fun working with her and having someone I trust. That was the biggest thing stopping me from having an assistant. I was like, I can't just hire some stranger to do all this stuff. That means so much to me. So someone mentioned to me to hire someone that I knew and could train but already trusted. And then I was like, she was the first person I thought of and she accepted the offer I made to her to do it. So it's been great. So she's helping.
Christan Trentman (01:05)
It was a very generous offer.
Aubin Palmer (01:07)
Well,
and it's she's been helping me with this podcast. She helps with my classes my website Random other stuff all the time. It's just we do live close together. So most of stuff what you do is online, right? But Occasionally there's random in-person stuff too. It's been beautiful. So I love working with someone I know and love but I invited Kristen to do this podcast episode with me because She has a little bit different of a story than often is told on here, but I still
No, it's a power story. I love, I mean, you my whole platform, my whole mission and message with this is that everyone has power. We all have it within us, but our stories look different and what's right for each of us is different. And you know you're in your power when you feel that alignment and you feel connected to who you are. And that means you might look different than other people and that's okay. So I wanted Kristen to kind of tell her story of
what led to where she is today and what she's doing. And so it kind of started, I think, with when you were in college and looking at your major and what you wanted to do. So kind of give us that story, Kristen.
Christan Trentman (02:16)
Yeah, so for a long time, even when I was in high school, I had kind of decided I wanted to be a teacher. It was something I felt really drawn to, just because of good teachers that I had. And then as I went to college and took classes, I decided I wanted to be an English teacher specifically. And it just felt super natural to me. Like it was, it was my dream. And I love my classes. I still like think about them all the time. I still...
like I'll read a book and I'll be like, oh my gosh, this would be such a great book to teach if I were a teacher right now. And so I loved all my classes. I got to my last year of school where I was doing, so in my last year, my first semester was something called practicum, where I had to go do practice hours essentially in an actual classroom. And then my last semester was student teaching, where I was teaching full time in a classroom with a teacher kind enough to
essentially let me borrow their classroom and their students. And around that time, well, I guess backing up, for the last several years of college, I'd been working at the Missionary Training Center in Provo. I'd been working there part-time as a teacher. And then after about a year and a half of that, I worked part-time as a supervisor. So I had a team of teachers that I supervised and trained and hired and absolutely loved that job too. So I get to my last year of college and
I'm doing my practicum and the classroom's not looking exactly what I thought it would be like. I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would when I did my observations back at the very beginning of my program. And I was having this big existential crisis about like, am I doing the wrong thing? What do I need to be doing?
Aubin Palmer (03:56)
Yeah, and I think that's so good. I was her sister, so I remember this, this drama, we're 10 years apart. I don't know if I mentioned that. so I love being her big sister, and she could come to my house and cry, and like, what do I do? And we would talk about this, I remember that. And I think this is like a problem that happens to people all the time with jobs, because you're bringing up like, I'd always wanted to be a teacher, and then you're here at the crux of your graduating and like doubting it.
Christan Trentman (03:59)
Yeah.
huh.
Aubin Palmer (04:25)
I mean, I share my story all the time about I was a nurse and now I'm doing this. So I think it's really relatable that you're like, what do I do when I'm about to graduate? And I think this was like a really cool part of your story because learning to listen to yourself and not follow the mold is so hard for so many people, but something that happens more often than we think.
Christan Trentman (04:28)
Right.
Thank
Okay.
Yeah, and I remember talking to you about this and I think my big fear that you helped me identify was have I wasted all of my college career if I don't end up being a teacher? And you were like, what an interesting assumption to have because yeah, maybe that's what most people are gonna do with this degree, but that's not the only way for it to be useful for you. And I was like, you know, mind blown. So I decided not, cause some people in my program, I knew people that did pivot.
Aubin Palmer (05:01)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (05:20)
last minute and their last semester they didn't do student teaching. They just changed their major to English and took another semester of English classes and graduated and they did great. But I decided, you know what, for me I need to see this through. I need to have that experience of student teaching to know if this is what I need right now or not. And that was a super big semester of growth for me. It was like one of the hardest things I've ever done. I came home every day just...
Absolutely exhausted. I was with seventh and eighth graders too. That's probably helpful.
Aubin Palmer (05:52)
I remember that.
was like, this is not the grade I will ever teach.
Christan Trentman (05:57)
But part of it, the hard part too, is this was like January to April 2022. It was the first full school year kids had been back since COVID. So a lot of these kids, last regular school year was like fourth or fifth grade. So behavior was just off the walls. I loved 90 % of the kids. They were so fun and so engaging and willing to take, willing to go where I wanted to take them. But I spent 90 % of my energy on 10 % of the kids that were tough.
Aubin Palmer (06:11)
Nah.
Christan Trentman (06:26)
And so I really, really struggled with it. At the same time, I still had my part-time job at the Missionary Training Center. And even though I wasn't technically supposed to, our program was always like, don't work while you're student teach, but don't tell me if you are working. was what our dean said. So I like, I'm just going to keep my part-time job. My boss was super lenient and he was like, yeah, you don't need to work 20 hours a week. You can work 10, maybe 15 if you feel like you have the energy right now. And my team was super understanding.
Aubin Palmer (06:42)
you
Christan Trentman (06:54)
So I would come home from student teaching and like veg for an hour and decompress. And then in the evenings I would work online or in person at the MTC and it was the best part of my day. I like lit up, I had energy again, I was so happy. And so I was torn. I was like, know, do I follow this path and become a teacher? Do I try and figure out if I can work full time at the MTC? It's kind of hard to get a full time position there sometimes. You kind of have to be in the inn, things aren't always open.
So there wasn't like a whole lot of certainty in the MTC, but teachers are always in demand. So I, yeah.
Aubin Palmer (07:33)
I think that's a
really good point that word you just said there certainty is one of my favorite things to point out with people because We're taught a lot to put certainty into the outward things like okay the teacher job has a certainty and the job that I'm liking doesn't so Logically, I should go with this where the certainty is outside
But what I love to help people with power to do is to find the certainty within themselves. And I think that's what you really did because it wasn't what makes sense, whereas the certainty predictability, it's what feels right to me and where do I feel like myself so that I can make this work. Even if it's not for sure how I want it to be right now, I know I'm gonna figure it out. My certainty is in me and I will make things work. And that creates...
Christan Trentman (08:11)
Yeah.
Aubin Palmer (08:21)
like the unstoppable confidence everyone always wants and that I might be spoiling the story but what happened next I kind of know but
Christan Trentman (08:29)
So because I still wasn't totally decided, I kept going to job fairs that were hosted by my university, which was a super funny experience because I feel like some job fairs it's like the candidate vying to talk to people. And at teacher job fairs, it's like all the schools are like, let me talk to you, please come teach at my school because there's this... Yeah, so you made eye contact with anybody and they were like, would you like to move to Silicon Valley? And you're like, no.
Aubin Palmer (08:49)
because they're short on teachers.
I'm gonna
this
Christan Trentman (08:58)
But yeah, I like passed out some resumes. I had a couple of like same-day interviews. I even got called back for an interview at a charter school here called Freedom Prep that I, they were like, we're not hiring right now, but I handed them a resume anyway. And they were like, actually it turns out we do need a teacher. I went and did the interview a couple of weeks later. I'm still kind of torn, but I've eventually kind of settled on like, I really thought about it, kind of prayed about it. I felt like I just need to pick what I want to do. Kind of like you said.
Like there's not one path for me here and it's up to me to decide and I decided I want the MTC. That's what I want. So I had decided that like on a Sunday or something and then later that week on a Wednesday I get a phone call from the school that I interviewed at and the position was to teach sixth grade I think which I was like that's gonna be worse than seventh and eighth grade. And they offered me a job.
Aubin Palmer (09:37)
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (09:57)
which I was not expecting. was like, I don't know that I interviewed that well. And I didn't even ask for time to consider. I just said no right then and there. And...
Aubin Palmer (10:08)
Wow. That was a power move though, that you
had already felt your decision and you honored it. Because that is so hard to do sometimes for people when that kind of situation happens. how did you feel that resolution to do that?
Christan Trentman (10:25)
I don't know, because after I hung up I was freaking out. I was like, what did I just do? I have a salary and great benefits, I didn't even ask them how much it pays.
Aubin Palmer (10:30)
Yeah.
But that's because you knew your answer is what and you followed your own intuition what felt right for you.
Christan Trentman (10:41)
Yeah, and they even asked, like, can we ask why you're declining the job? Right, and I was like, no, I'm just excited to do something else. It's nothing to do with your school. I've decided to do something else with my life right now. Like 15 minutes after I get that phone call, I'm supposed to have a one-on-one with my boss. And we're chatting, and he and I are pretty close after working together for a couple years at this point. And he's like, are you OK? Like, something seems off. Like, what's going on?
Aubin Palmer (10:44)
They're like, why would you say no? We have the best school to work at. Like they probably don't get no very often.
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (11:10)
And I, so I told him, I like, I just turned down a job in my field that I'm graduating in because I decided I want to work at the NTC, but I don't even know if that's going to work out. And, you know, I'm kind of like, what have I done? And he's like, you know, what's crazy, Kristen, is I just got told by my boss that I need to hire someone full time.
Aubin Palmer (11:36)
and you didn't know, and you still followed it,
Christan Trentman (11:37)
I didn't know, yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was like the coolest revelation of my life. So because I read tape, he couldn't hire me on the spot. He still had to go through the interview process, but it was kind of a formality. Like, when I was writing my cover letter, I texted him and was like, what's a cover letter? How do I write this? He's like, well, address it to me. Take it as practice, whatever you want.
Aubin Palmer (11:44)
Did he hire you right there? Or did you have to go through a process?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hehehehe
Christan Trentman (12:07)
So I got hired full time there, but because we, my husband and I were gonna move out of state for the summer for an internship for him, we had to like time it right. I had like a two month break when I couldn't work. And then I started working remote later that summer in like July. And then we moved back up here. My husband was still going to school and so it all worked out. And then later that summer about August, September, I found out that I was pregnant, which we were really hoping for. We were super excited.
Aubin Palmer (12:34)
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (12:37)
Which in retrospect, was also, I don't know if maybe that's part of why, I don't know. Just the way it worked out was beautiful because the job at the MTC was way more conducive to me being pregnant than being a first-time teacher would have been. It was just way more flexible and understanding and slow pace. And I can't imagine how just bone tired I would have been if I were a first-year teacher and pregnant for the first time ever at this youth time. But so I worked that job full-time.
at the MTC for about a year until I was ready to have my baby. And by that point, was kind of like, I don't know, things were changing with how we were doing things. was actually before I had the baby, my manager who I was working full time for was temporarily assigned to a different area where we had a shortage because of a policy change. So I filled in for him as a manager for the last two months of my job there.
And he essentially was like, you know, I'm trying to get a different job somewhere else too. So essentially like if you want my job, I think you could get it. Like I think my boss likes you. I think you would do well. Everyone's seen you do well at this, even though you're. it would have been a massive promotion. Yeah. Like normally people in that position don't get hired unless they have a master's. It's, it's like really great salary. Yeah.
Aubin Palmer (13:48)
that have been like a big promotion.
okay.
Christan Trentman (14:05)
Yeah, it's a big deal to be a manager over a language team, which is what it would have been. And I was like, man, I don't know, because I don't, I haven't had the baby yet. Like I don't know what I'm gonna be feeling. They had paid maternity leave, so I had some time to figure that out, which was really nice. So I had my baby beginning of May, 2023. And through my 12 weeks of maternity leave, I mean, I was...
Aubin Palmer (14:16)
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (14:32)
I was breastfeeding, so that's like its own full-time job too. mean, feeding a baby in general is a full-time job, but I feel like breastfeeding, especially being the only one.
Aubin Palmer (14:38)
Yeah, and do I remember correctly
that you hadn't decided while you were on maternity leave? Like they let you just stay on as a full-time employee with maternity leave, benefits, paid leave, and then you could decide if you wanted to take this job or not, which is...
Christan Trentman (14:51)
Yeah.
Yeah, and
I wasn't, I hadn't been offered the full managerial position or anything because they hadn't, they didn't need to hire someone else yet. yeah, since she was like, yep, your job's here. If you want to come back to it, you can let us know now or whenever your maternity leave is up, which is super generous of them. But yeah, got. Yeah.
Aubin Palmer (15:14)
So you were kind of in the same position again of two things that you really loved and having
to decide how you wanted to do it. this is part of why I love your story because I work with women so often that feel torn between being a mom, having a job, running their own business, however they wanna do it. And I think my point with your story is there is no right answer, but there is a right answer for you in the...
The answer isn't going to be from looking at other people or what they did. It's going to come from going inward and listening to yourself.
Christan Trentman (15:48)
Yeah, which is what I had to do, you know, and we were super blessed that our baby didn't have any intense special needs when he was born and he was, you after a he was a pretty good sleeper. So as far as babies go, he was pretty easygoing. But I still just, as I was with him, I was like, this is where I need to be right now, is with this baby. And so once my maternity leave was up, I said, I am, I'm quitting. Which was also a little bit scary because my husband was still in school.
So it was like, there's not really anyone to work a huge full-time job for us, but we've been super blessed with Generous Family and kind friends so that we said, you know what, we're gonna make this work. This is what we feel like we need to do right now.
Aubin Palmer (16:35)
I think that's beautiful that you did that. And again, it sounds like the certainty was in yourself, not in how you're gonna make it work. And that takes a lot of courage and self-trust and faith to believe that you are gonna figure things out and that...
That's not natural. That's like that does take a lot. And so that takes power. Like, right. This is what we're talking about. So I love that you were able to do that. And the point I love here is that you felt aligned and it felt right for you. And so it was a power move and power move doesn't always mean doing more or starting a business or figuring out how to be a full time mom and a full time manager. Like that would be a power move for some, but it wasn't for you. And I think
Christan Trentman (17:01)
Yeah, thank you.
Right, because we considered
it, right? Like we figured it like, okay, because campuses were across the street from each other, could my husband take the baby during most of the day and I come find him when I need to breastfeed? We're like, we considered all that, like, is that gonna work? And considering that just stressed me out. And I was like, okay, that's my answer. Like, that's not right for me right now.
Aubin Palmer (17:28)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's okay. If that's not right for you, that worked. And I think it's really good to say, like, just because you decided to not continue that job, it doesn't mean that you can't ever work there again or have another job that you love. Sometimes when we say, I'm gonna say no for now, that it's like no forever, or that I'm giving up, or losing my dream, did it ever feel that way for you, or how did you find peace with it?
Christan Trentman (17:45)
and yeah.
Great. Great.
Yeah, I think sometimes it did, especially in the throes of early motherhood. It felt like I had lost myself a lot in a lot of ways, and there were a lot of times I wished I hadn't quit or wished that I was a teacher on the days that I was having a really hard time. So yeah, there were some days that I felt like I had made the wrong decision. But, and I think part of that was due to maybe some really mild postpartum depression that I didn't realize I had.
Aubin Palmer (18:14)
Okay.
Christan Trentman (18:40)
And actually, I can't remember if I've told you this part of the story, but at one point, about a year ago, like last February, I was just really feeling like I want to be doing something with English teaching again. I was really feeling that. Like I want to teach university English. I kind of remembered actually that when I first decided I wanted to be an English teacher, that was actually my goal. I wanted to get a master's and teach at a university level. I had forgotten that throughout my program. And so,
My sweet husband was super supportive. He was getting ready to start a master's program in the fall and was like, do you want to do a master's program? We can do that. Like if we both start at the same time, like, yeah, we'll pass our baby around at school during the day if we need to do that. But if you want to do that, let's do it. So I actually started the application. I got references from former professors. I started filling it out. And I was super excited because often I was going to apply for an MFA.
in creative writing and they often have creative writing MFA students teach introductory writing classes as well so I was like this is gonna be so cool I'm gonna get to be better at something that I love and do some teaching as well and we'll make it all work but while I was also super excited about the idea it also just felt overwhelming again and so it was like a week a week and a half maybe two weeks where we were going through this process of maybe starting an application for me
And I decided like, okay, what would happen if I scaled this back instead of having to do a whole master's program right now? What if I just took one class? And so I actually am enrolled in an independent study poetry class right now. And that felt when I landed on that, was like, that's what I need to be doing right now. That's what's right right now. And it actually took me a while to sign up for the class because it's expensive. And I was like, I don't know. But I kept having that feeling over those months. So between February and like October when I finally signed up.
It kept coming back to my mind, like, take the class, take the class, take the class. And I'm doing it and I love it and I am learning so much that I didn't before. And it's what works for me right now, because right now I've just like, as I've felt like my priority is motherhood, but I'm finding ways to work in these other things that are important to me and that help me feel like I'm still my own person.
Aubin Palmer (20:40)
Yeah.
Yes.
I love that so much and I know like you love being a mother but you're still following your passion of writing and you have another passion of art and in my opinion you are an entrepreneur because you do have a business with art so tell us about your little business you do as well.
Christan Trentman (21:11)
Yeah.
I do. have an Instagram page called lovely lines art. I do watercolor painting and calligraphy and that was something else I felt like I had always just kind of done for fun but wanted to get better at. And so the last year in the last year I've taken some continuing education classes on both of those things to get better at it and I've loved it and I have gotten better at it. And so yeah, that's what I do. I do calligraphy and watercolor.
Aubin Palmer (21:45)
And I love
that you do that and that you've made it into a business and that you can do little commission based jobs for people like you talked about it and you're like I'm not ready to do full-on Instagram everyday marketing having Etsy ads like and that's okay and I think that again going back to this like what's right for you right now and maybe someday you will blow up and do all that stuff maybe you won't but right now
Christan Trentman (21:53)
Yeah.
Thank
Great.
Aubin Palmer (22:11)
what you're listening to feels right for you and you can still do it and you're really good at it, you've gotten better at it and you can still make some money doing it. You don't have to be making six figures or a million dollars running a business for it to be a business. And I think that's something every woman needs to hear because that's kind of like the idea of a business often times is that you have to be making a million plus dollars for it to be a business and like why?
Christan Trentman (22:20)
Great.
Great.
Aubin Palmer (22:39)
Like whatever you want to do that works for you is a business and that's perfect. So how has that been running this little business of doing art?
Christan Trentman (22:40)
Bye.
Yeah.
You know, it's fun because I, like you said, I haven't had a whole lot of commissions, but that doesn't bother me because it's not my goal right now. Like you said, my goal right now is to develop these skills and they're kind of meditative. So I enjoy that aspect of it. And if it can be helpful for someone else too, if someone else enjoys it, then I'm happy to share it with them. And something else we talked about was like being willing to say like, what I do is valuable and I would ask you to pay for it because it has that value.
And that's okay.
Aubin Palmer (23:18)
Yes, that's
a big point I love to teach people because she has done things for me, for my business, and I paid her because I see women too often give friends or family a discount or even for free. And why wouldn't the people that love you support you the most and pay? And so I think...
Like we said, don't have to be running a million dollar business, but you can still ask for people to pay you for your time and your talent, which is what all businesses is, is we're exchanging that value somehow. And so, of course you charge, and of course family pays, and that still gives you your passion and a way to make some extra money and still follow what feels right for you to be full-time mom as well.
Christan Trentman (23:43)
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Aubin Palmer (24:03)
So what does that mean that you are taking a poetry class, running your art business, being my assistant, being a full-time mom? Is there anything else you do?
Christan Trentman (24:12)
huh.
I love singing, so I'd love to get into that more. Like part of me wants to get back in, I did theater in high school. I'd love to get back into community theater at some point. So I don't do that right now, but I don't know, maybe I'll do some auditions just to get used to it again. it's not, it doesn't have to be big right now. I don't have to get a lead or even get a role, but I can pursue that too.
Aubin Palmer (24:33)
Yeah, that's so fun.
Wow. And I just feel like everything you shared is just like a story of being in your power and doing what feels right for you and you sound very satisfied with your life even though you've had to give some big things up but they're not giving up really. doesn't even, I don't even like saying that because it doesn't feel like what you did.
Christan Trentman (25:00)
Yeah, allowed it to be different from what I imagined it to be.
Aubin Palmer (25:06)
Mm-hmm.
Christan Trentman (25:07)
you know? And that, I think that's been one of the most fulfilling parts is realizing that it doesn't have to look like what I originally imagined it be, and maybe, like we said, like maybe it still will be someday. And my husband and I always keep that option open, like maybe I will be a full-time teacher someday, maybe I will be a published poet and super highly paid artist, and maybe I won't. And all of that's okay because those can still be part of who I am, and I can also be
Aubin Palmer (25:21)
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (25:37)
who I want to be in being a full-time mom right now.
Aubin Palmer (25:41)
That's so beautiful and I think that goes with what I love to teach too is like when you are aligned with what's right for you, you will make it work the right way for you. And that's what I say when people ask like how do you do so much? You're a mom and you have this business and you're doing all this stuff and.
Christan Trentman (25:50)
Yeah.
Aubin Palmer (25:58)
I'm like, yeah, because it's what feels right for me. It's aligned with me so it all works. And that's where when you're following shoulds or just what you've been told to do your whole life, that's what creates the dissonance and it sucks your energy and it's too much. It's when you're not doing what's right for you. And that's what gives you that power to do everything that's right for you.
Christan Trentman (26:12)
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and we kind of touched on this before, like, so even though when I made the choice to be full-time mom, it was a power decision, like we said, and it was like, no, this is what's right. I didn't feel settled in that decision for 10 months. I still, you know, for the first 10 months, and like I said, you know, maybe some mild postpartum depression contributing to that, I, you know, I had a hard time, like,
Who am I? Is this what I want to be? I had a hard time figuring out how to be aligned with all of those things and how to include all of those things into who I am. And so I think that's important too, that even though you can be confident in a decision, it's okay for it to take time to settle in you.
Aubin Palmer (27:02)
Yes, I love that point because sometimes we think, if I do the right thing for me and I make a power move, I'm just going to feel great that instant and be jumping up and down. And I love that you're sharing that it was still hard and you still knew it was right and it still took some time to adjust. you did have to make some changes because you had to figure out, OK, am I going to do this class or am I going to do a master's degree or am I going to do a little part-time job from home?
Christan Trentman (27:10)
Thank
Great.
Aubin Palmer (27:30)
You had to figure all that out, but it sounds like you feel this like peace right now with where you are.
Christan Trentman (27:35)
Well, completely. I like today, I took my son to Costco and that was our big adventure outing for the day because he's not quite through. And we just had so much fun together trying the samples and, you know, dinking around and seeing what was there. And that was one of the best parts of my day. And we had a smoothie at the end. And I just loved seeing his reaction to how yummy he thought the smoothie was. Right. And I also the other night couldn't fall asleep. So was like, I'm going to work on this poem that I
Aubin Palmer (27:44)
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (28:05)
I need to workshop. Like I'm having some great ideas right now. Or often during the naps I sit down and I paint and I listen to a book because I love to read but I don't always have time to just sit down and read right now. And yeah, I don't have time for all of it all of the time. Like all of the interests I have. But I let them take turns and I enjoy whichever one I'm focused on at the moment.
Aubin Palmer (28:29)
Yeah, that's beautiful and I think that's what creates balance. That's what I like say as well. With balance, it's not like equal time to everything, but it's feeling fulfilled in the things that you prioritize. And that's what you were just describing is that fulfillment feeling of like, sometimes I'm reading and sometimes I'm writing and sometimes I'm just at Costco with my son, but I feel fulfilled in the things that I love and that matter to me. And that's what creates, that's what we're all really seeking for.
Christan Trentman (28:38)
No.
Yeah,
Aubin Palmer (28:57)
that energy of
Christan Trentman (28:57)
yeah, exactly.
Aubin Palmer (28:59)
joy and fulfillment. just because you had a great job that you loved doesn't mean that that's the only way to fill fulfillment. Like you can fill it in these other things as well and that's what you're doing.
Christan Trentman (29:08)
Great.
Yeah, and I think I started to feel that fulfillment maybe in my motherhood when I realized that the power to feel fulfilled in my motherhood was within me, if that makes sense. Like for part of my stress and like discontentment with it at first was like the only time I really felt like fulfilled was when I had personal connection with other people, which I had always had before and now it was just me and this baby alone all the time. And so I would
On Sunday nights I would have this like stressful like text everybody I know and see if anybody can do a playdate this week because I need I need that person-to-person connection in order to feel fulfilled this week. Like I was putting it external which was making me stressed because I couldn't control other people's schedules, right? Right! Yeah and so then I would just have a terrible week and I would kind of slump and get kind of depressed. And then I remember one Sunday night when my son was about 10 years old I was like not 10 years old 10 months old.
Aubin Palmer (29:56)
Right, if no one could do anything, what do you do then? Right.
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (30:10)
I
was like, wait a minute, he and I can go do something together. We could go to the aquarium. We could go to a park. And that will be just as good for me. And that's in my control. And all of sudden when I realized that was in my control, I started enjoying doing those things with him instead of dreading when he would wake up from a nap and dreading that I had to figure out what to do with him by myself during the day.
Aubin Palmer (30:19)
Yeah.
Yes, that's beautiful. And that really is what I love to say your power is, is that what's in your control is your own thoughts, words, feelings and actions. And that's what you did is you created that fulfillment yourself.
Because even though you thought hanging out with other people was creating the fulfillment, it was how you were thinking about it that created the fulfillment. And so you shifted that and found, oh wait, I can always be fulfilled regardless of what I am doing with other people or not. I get to decide what fulfillment is for me. And you did that.
Christan Trentman (30:51)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and
it's made such a big difference in, you know, when my son has a hard day, it doesn't mean I have a hard day.
Aubin Palmer (31:10)
Yeah.
Christan Trentman (31:11)
Right? Like he can be Oscar the Grouch because he's teething or sick or going through a developmental leap or whatever and scream at me a lot. And it doesn't wear at me. Of course it does sometimes, you know, over time. Like that's just overstimulating. But it's not like, okay, I'm a bad mom. I'm doing this wrong. I can't do this anymore. It's like, okay, this is separate from me. You're having a hard time. Let me figure out how I can help you with that.
Aubin Palmer (31:40)
Yeah, I love that. that's true in everything of life. Like we get to decide how we react and what we want to think and feel. That's our power in every situation. And so that's what you're doing. And that gives you the ability to be the kind of mom you want to be and be the person you want to be. that's what we're all looking for is that power to be who we really are.
Christan Trentman (31:50)
Okay.
Aubin Palmer (32:02)
As we wrap up, Kristen, is there anything else you want to share about your journey and just really finding your power in the life that you have right now and your journey that's not over, but where you are today?
Christan Trentman (32:14)
That's a good question. Let me think about it for a second.
Yeah, I think just to maybe reiterate something we've already said, but that you can incorporate the things you love and they can be a part of your life. And if you can let go of maybe a preconceived notion of what it has to look like, you're going to find what it needs to look like for you right now in that stage that you're in. And that's going to bring you more joy than chasing
your ideal of what it should look like.
Aubin Palmer (33:01)
beautiful and just saying like okay I had this idea before but how are things going right now and how can I still make this work for me with where I am now I love that and I think that kind of how I just said it like things are always working for you and if you think things are happening to you then you lose that power but when you say things are working for me how do I want to show up with this then you can always win
Christan Trentman (33:10)
Yeah.
Yeah,
well, and you don't have to be in a state of, if you feel like, okay, well, I can't make the ideal work, you don't have to live in a state of resentment either. I saying like, well, it can't work because I am having to choose this other thing, right? Like I could have said like, I'm resenting not doing a master's program right now because I have to be a mom. And that would have, that would have festered and made me so unhappy, right?
Aubin Palmer (33:33)
Hmm.
Christan Trentman (33:52)
But if I instead said, okay, maybe it's not a master's degree, maybe it's a baby step right now. And you know what's interesting about that part is that I think in taking this poetry class, like, yeah, I probably wouldn't have been ready for the master's degree anyway. I don't know if I would have even gotten into the program, right? So I'm doing something that's helping me get towards that goal eventually while embracing what I can do now so that I don't feel this energy of resentment.
Aubin Palmer (34:21)
That's beautiful and like, again, that's in your power and that's what you're doing and I love that. So you sound very satisfied and fulfilled with what you have and you are a power woman. And I love that you are a great example of this, it can look different for everyone and we all have to find our own alignment, our own power, our own life that's right for us and.
It's our life to create. It's our life to enjoy. So letting go of what the stereotype is, what other people think, what other people would do. Not that they're wrong, it's just not their life. So living what is right for you is so helpful in all of that.
Christan Trentman (34:58)
Yeah, and it's not like I've given up my dreams, like you said. And it's not even like, it's not even like right now, like I have, well, this is the dream that I'm working towards. It's like right now, I'm happy with where I'm at. And as the dream evolves and changes, I'll see how I need to change what I'm doing right now to fit that.
Aubin Palmer (35:19)
Yeah, that's beautiful. that, like we were saying, journey's not over. You're still moving with it and it will continue to unfold and you get to create love, fulfillment, and joy as you do it or resentment. Which one do you want? It's your choice and that's what you're doing. So I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming today, Kristen. It was so good to talk with you. And I am always like, when I'm considering who to invite to the podcast, it's...
Christan Trentman (35:35)
Exactly.
Thanks for inviting me.
Aubin Palmer (35:47)
very intuitive and so you came to my mind and I was like, of course, this is so fun to have someone that's helping me so much to create all of this that I do in this business and I am so grateful for your help. So a lot of the behind the scenes stuff is coming from her. So now you all know her as well and I'm so grateful she could be here today and just, I hope that in her story you heard something that helps you to find your own power. Like it might have nothing to with she did but you're gonna see that.
you're in this moment of choice and that you get to choose what's best for you. And I love hearing other stories. I think we get inspired and given more of our power when we all share our power together. That's my whole message. That's why I'm doing this podcast and the book that is coming out soon. We're working on that. So just stay in your power, choose what's right for you. And we all get to live the beautiful lives that we want to. So keep shining women and I will talk to you again next week.
Christan Trentman (36:29)
Thank you.
Yes.
Aubin Palmer (36:45)
Thanks for coming, Kristin.
Christan Trentman (36:47)
Yeah, thanks for having me.
